I don't like

working nights. it screws up the rest of my life. :(

Great Weekend!

This weekend was the last before I started my staff (not travel) job at Swedish. It's kinda crazy to me that I am actually trying to "settle down" here in Denver, at least for the time being, but it feels really right to be here.

Friday was filled with Downtown activities, getting dressed up, looking pretty and spending time with some fun girls. We had a "fake bachelorette" for Jessica and pretended she was getting married to a french guy, "Hubert Janelle" haha amazing. We ate delicious french food: muscles, stuffed duck....mmmm. I got to stay in a beautiful hotel room downtown on the 24th floor of the Hyatt and the view was incredible!!

Saturday I went up to Windsor to visit Cash and Chad came too. It was a wonderful relaxing day that let me get over the last night's activities without requiring too much brain or body-power :) Cash worked on perfecting her dulce de leche (sp??) recipe and we stirred and stirred that stuff for hours!!! but it was really yummy! Sunday Chad made some amazing strawberry gelato and we all went to Swetville Zoo, which is this really great property that is full of animal and fantasy creatures all created out of old farm/car pieces by a farmer. They are incredible!!

Sunday evening I had sushi with Jenna and Pat and some of their friends from where they grew up. They were really funny and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! The sushi was amazing as well...

This morning came way to early, especially since I knew the next 8 hours of my life were going to be spent sitting in front of various power point presentations that I just watched 9 months ago...uggghhhhh..... It wasn't quite as bad as I remember because Jenna was there too. We wrote notes back and forth throughout the day- it felt like being in middle school again :) More orientation tomorrow, get excited!!!

Emotional Babbling

My last post was written in anticipation of being a first-time homeowner, and now I am writing in the disappointment of losing that beautiful little house. I am over all the initial disappointment, but it still sucks that I now have to go out looking again and try to find something that I like enough to spend almost a quarter of a million dollars on...

I am just going to ramble now because I am feeling emotional and once again, I don't know why. But I can guess why. I could probably attribute it to not getting the job I wanted and being stressed out that I wouldn't be able to find a job, or to losing my house. I also feel very alone. Earlier this year when I came back to Denver I wasn't feeling like this because I was meeting with my Bible study group and I just felt like I was "busy" most of the time, but right now I find that it is really hard to find time when people I consider friends are free to hang out. And I know this is pathetic, but whenever I start to get the courage to call someone to hang out, all I can think is "what will we do?" I also think I am emotional/depressed (oh here come some tears, dangit) because lately I have felt a very strong desire to KNOW someone and be KNOWN, more specifically, by someone of the male gender. I just don't know how that will ever happen. I have been in relationships with guys in the past, not successfully, but relationships nonetheless. I really would like to have a person as my companion, not just my silly neurotic cat. I sometimes feel as though my personality and whatever hopes and dreams I have had are slipping away because I am alone. I can only imagine, at this point, that it would be inspiring to share my everyday ups and downs and ideas and complaints with another human being, and someone who wants to know those things. I want to love someone and all of their "flaws" and struggle through life together. I hate being alone. I hate it. And I don't just want a roommate. But knowing someone takes so long, how do you start? How do you find them? Ugghh, now I'm just getting frustrated. I know I am supposed to be fulfilled by God and he is supposed to be my everything, but he put the desire for relationship in us, so I feel like it is okay for me to yearn for this. I just wish right now was easier.

I have really good days though, like yesterday, yesterday was good! I interacted with people and had good conversation, had a "revelation" at church about my relationship with Christ. I love moments like yesterday in church. I realized that I had been approaching my relationship with God in a totally wrong way and it was one of those moments where you realize you are doing things all wrong but it is okay because you just found out how to do it right. As anyone should know about me, I am a people pleaser to a fault. Well I used to be, I'm not so bad anymore but it is still a big part of me. I think it is a symptom of low self-esteem, but anyway... the question of whether or not you could "lose" your salvation was being addressed by pastor Hunter. He was just re-iterating that there is nothing that can separate you from the love of Christ and that God will never abandon. It just made something click for me! I just have the tendency to think, "what if??" what if I'm not doing everything good enough, what if I'm not acting the right way? But it is about loving God and living your life to show that he is your savior. Well, that is an insane understatement, but whatever. The fact that I don't have to keep doing everything right in order to be a child of God was just a huge burden that was lifted, and it's not like I haven't had that realization before, it was just something I was not currently living out in my life, and I am so glad I am able to see my error. Well that's enough for now, I think I will go for a jog.

I'm going to be a Homeowner???

So, I got the idea in my crazy head that I should buy a house. Interest rates are low, I have a good job, I like the area I live in, and I can't stand my tiny little apartment that is so dark and gloomy. I started looking at houses with a realtor and started realizing that my dreams of having a two-story home were quickly fading. It is really hard to find a two-story house that has personality, is in the location I want, and within my price range. When I walked into the little house on South Logan, I fell in love!! It is a lot smaller than I originally planned on buying, but it has two bedrooms, a beautiful kitchen and a good sized living area. It is immaculate and all the little details are just perfect. The whole yard is landscaped and the patio area is great!! The inspection went better than I expected, and I am on my way to buying my first home!!! I am so excited :)

I'm a Florist!! and an event planner! and a maid of honor!!

I have been back in the Seattle area now for over a month, and I wasn't sure if I would be bored or busy, or what, so I have been pleasantly surprised to have something to do almost every day. Most of the time it has been something to do with my sister's wedding plans (which is coming up really really fast!) or a shower or something like that. My parent's have been in town doing stuff for the wedding too and that has been fun to run around getting things done with them. I'm kinda glad that the bridal showers are done, not that they weren't fun, but a lot of work goes into that if you want it to be fun for everyone :) Robyn says that she loved both of them and I think they went smoothly, so I am happy that I spent the time making them good!

My next endeavor I completed yesterday, and that is the role of florist. No, I am not doing all the flowers, just the 2 big arrangements that will go at the front of the church made of silk flowers. I was fairly confident that I could pull it off in the way that I wanted, but you never know until you've actually done it :) I am very pleased!! I think they turned out really beautiful. In a minute I need to go finish buying a couple cases of wine and some fabric to line the flower girl basket (yes I am making the flower girl basket- it's so much cheaper!! ;) ) .

My sister is getting married. My little sister. I have been thinking about it a lot, but I don't know if you can really grasp a sibling getting married until it has happened. Two families are being joined in less than 2 weeks and then we are stuck with them forever!! :) (love you Messner family!!) I'm soooo excited for that day!! It is going to be so beautiful and so many people have been a part of the planning and both my mom and I were really happy to help, so it has been a family effort, without too much disagreement ;) Well, I'm looking forward the the BIG DAY, and will welcome it with open arms...

The Snow in Seattle...what??

So... it has been a regular blizzard here in Seattle, from the moment I landed in Seattle and had to taxi through the snow to get to our gate until now, and it looks as though we might still get a little more snow. Crazy. My sister, Robyn, and I spent the last couple days at her fiance's apartment (Jack), keeping warm and playing games and building snow forts, complete with a window (something I think is necessary in any structure), cooking a turkey breast, stuffing and gravy! It has been great. I am so happy to be able to spend this incredible quality time with my sister and Jack. I think we would have spent good time together if there hadn't been this crazy snow, but this has made us spend every possible moment together, even if it means me walking my sister the mile to her work, or trudging up and down the icy hill to get to U Village to finish up our Christmas Shopping. Tonight we all made dinner together again and wrapped presents, all the while enjoying great conversation and allowing Jack and I to get to know each other even better. I love Jack!! He and my sister are such a wonderful match for each other. He is so very sweet and kind, but also is a very strong person, and I have realized that he really understands my sister so well. This makes me happy. They love spending every moment together and they have so much fun doing the everyday things together. That's the way it should be, being in love. Everything can be made into something wonderful because you can do it together and that makes it worthwhile. The wedding planning is nearly finished and the wedding is just a month and a half away!!
Anyway, back to the weather.
A couple days ago, I had to babysit for a family that I used to babysit for in college, but they live in Kirkland, which was not any easy place to get to without a car and in the snow. But I took the bus and it was a relatively easy trip. The painful part came after I got off the bus. I really needed to pick up a picture that I had printed at Costco, as it is a necessary part of one of my presents. Well I was at the bottom of the hill, and Costco is WAAaaayyy at the top of the hill, so I began my careful trudge up the ice coated sidewalk. Mind you, I had already walked 4 miles that morning, in the snow and ice, in rain boots that I am borrowing from some girl I have never met, and I have an overnight bag with me. I also have only 1 hour to get to Costco, then back down the hill, and then about a 12 block walk up another hill to get to the house where I am babysitting. OH MY. Well I don't know when I have ever sweat that much before in my life. The clothes I took off were still damp the next morning! I was a bit late to babysitting, my face an attractive shade of cherry red, and so tired I just wanted to pass out. But I had 8 hours of a screaming 4 month old baby ahead of me, so I pressed on. Whew. Well it's been an adventure. I haven't been lacking in my exercise, that's for sure. We still have to figure out how the heck we are getting to Lopez on Wednesday. Lord, please let the snow melt enough...

I love cooking!!

So, Shannon and I decided to have dinner together last night, Jeff is out on a hunting trip and well, I am alone, as usual. So, I got a little too excited and cooked all afternoon, even baked a pie for dessert!! It was so much fun! And it was all soooo yummy :) I don't cook as much as I used to, because, really, why would I cook a whole meal that only I am going to eat? One of my great joys in life is to make other people happy and I love doing that with food. So all that to say, I re-discovered my love of preparing food and changing recipes to make them my own...I love cooking!! :)